Saturday, August 04, 2012 | 11:30 pm
I think it's a conspiracy. Every time I'm out and the feeling that you need to shit comes, and the toilet just so happens to be conveniently out of the way, I would have to use so much of my energy to suppress the shit and rush home. Everything goes on fine and I would feel like I'm the king of shit-holding, like holding it for 5-10 mins and managed to rush home without a single incident is praise-worthy. Everything goes on fine until I actually catch sight of a toilet and suddenly my bowels would go on a rampage and demand that I enter the toilet and let the shit loose. It's like le stomach will never tolerate any teasing, it senses the presence of the holy toilet and demands that the body moves over there now for release and it ain't going to listen to no. So once I reach home feeling like maybe I don't need to shit anymore, suddenly the turmoil starts in the stomach and I find myself running up the flight of stairs, throwing my stuff down on my bed/table and quickly rushing to the toilet. I would have thought that after enduring the shit rush for a few minutes, my bowels would be decent enough to endure it a few seconds longer for me to put my stuff down nicely but it wasn't to be. But the feeling when you hurry and sit down on the toilet bowl and the rush that follows....ecstasy.
Oh, you were reading my blog for funny stuff? Nope sorry just a story about me and my stomachache. Deal with it, it's my blog.
Thursday, July 12, 2012 | 8:36 pm
Been a while since I last posted here...I wasn't actually planning to revive my blog or anything but reading a comic book and a talk by my sergeant major really got my head thinking. And obviously twitter could only hold 150 words, I'm not going to spam all my followers feed with maybe like 100 new posts?
First and foremost, I'm gonna ORD soon. That's why my sergeant major(BSM) wanted to talk with all the guys about how to clear our leaves and offs and whatever. He was getting a bit pissed off with how we abuse the off system and take our offs like no one business and likewise, we were pissed with him for interfering with our plans when we were about to ORD soon(ORD LO!). So, he went on to nag as usual and it went into a certain point where he talked about something that struck me deeply. He said he read from somewhere that the world is made up of 4 groups of people:
Group A(Noobs): Not
WILLING and not
ABLE.
Group B(Slackers): Not
WILLING but
ABLE.
Group C(Dedicated):
WILLING but not
ABLE.
Group D(Passionate):
WILLING and
ABLE.
He said that the reason why he nags so much was because when we first entered the NS/battalion/battery(did I mention I was about to ORD?), we were the
Group A people. We were civilians entering a new phase of our life and of course we were unwilling to go to field camp and able to survive tough training just after leaving our comfortable lives behind(ORD LO!). That's why he had to constantly nag and make rules so that we are forced to follow and won't get into trouble.
When we finished our training, we become either
Group B, C or D. Some would choose to do lesser work(
Group B), some who are slower in learning but are willing to put in the effort(
C) and the very few people who are so garang that they would do anything at anytime even at the cost of their own leisure time(
D). *C and D people are usually referred to as suckers*
I guess most of us fall into the Group B category. We take things for granted too often. 'Giving up of seats to the elderly is not my responsibility cause I'm not at the priority seat', 'My friends are organising something so fun but it clashes with my duties so I shall take MC', 'I won't get rewarded anything if I help you out so why should I' are all present day attitudes that are corrupting us individually and the society. And the scarest part is that I feel that I'm starting to become one of them. Just because I'm going to ORD soon and suddenly during my Monday duty, I was constantly harassing my admin spec for my offs. It wasn't until later that day that I found out he had a lot of things to do and I have been nagging at him for a benefit which I'm not entitled to. It makes me feel bad and I want to apologise for my actions.
So for now, I'm going to end this post with an apology to Shrek. Sorry for bugging you and thank you for planning our offs and leaves. We go drink together next time ok?
'It's easy to die by your own decisions but it's difficult to order someone to die for you.' - Cyclops
Wednesday, October 06, 2010 | 6:13 pm
Nothing to write about except for a lame trip with my family to this art exhibition thing where the paintings were supposed to move around and talk in downtown east. Basically, it's a transformation of JPG to GIF. Very boring since I'm not an art person so I was moving along until I came upon the Mona Lisa picture where 'she' would answer your questions. Obviously there was someone behind the picture with a mic and there were supposed to be 7 standard questions you can ask her that was written on the wall like 'when were you painted' stuff like that. Of course the kids got bored and some of them were like asking who is your husband, what's his name, where is his name so long to which she replied the appropriate answers and to the last one: how would I know?? Then there was this middle aged indian girl who either was pissed off or just trying to make fun of her started to shout weird questions like why only paint you don't paint you with your husband? you think you very chio ah?!?!?!? hmmm, immature people. I was so happy to finally walk out of that tent and went to eat gelare. Think that was the only highlight of that trip. And the lameness of that indian girl.
The following is an email my uncle send me a long time ago but I didn't forward to anyone cause some people receiving mail like spam, chain whatever. I might as well put it here to continue my blog lol.
Here's a prime example of "Men Are From Mars, Women Are From Venus".
This is offered by an English professor from the University of Colorado as an actual class assignment:
A Creative Writing professor told his class one day: "Today we will experiment with a new form called the tandem story. The process is simple. Each person will pair off with the person sitting next door to his or her desk.
As homework tonight, one of you will write the first paragraph of a short story. You will e-mail your partner that paragraph and send another copy to me. The partner will read the first paragraph and then add another paragraph to the story and send it back, also sending another copy to me. The first person will then add a third paragraph, and so on back-and-forth.
Remember to re-read what has been written each time in order to keep the story coherent. There is to be absolutely NO talking outside of the e-mails and anything you wish to say must be written in the e-mail. The story is over when both agree a conclusion has been reached."
The following was actually turned in by two of his English students:
Rebecca,
Bill.
THE STORY:
(first paragraph by Rebecca)
At first, Laurie couldn't decide which kind of tea she wanted. The chamomile, which used to be her favorite for lazy evenings at home, now
reminded her too much of Carl, who once said, in happier times, that he liked chamomile. But she felt she must now, at all costs, keep her mind off Carl. His possessiveness was suffocating, and if she thought about him too much her asthma started acting up again. So chamomile was out of the question.
(second paragraph by Bill)
Meanwhile, Advance Sergeant Carl Harris, leader of the attack squadron now in orbit over Skylon 4, had more important things to think about than the neuroses of an air-headed asthmatic bimbo named Laurie with whom he had spent one sweaty night over a year ago. "A.S. Harris to Geostation 17," he said into his transgalactic communicator." Polar orbit established. No sign of resistance so far..." But before he could sign off a bluish particle beam flashed out of nowhere and blasted a hole through his ship's cargo bay. The jolt from the direct hit sent him flying out of his seat and across the cockpit.
(Rebecca)
He bumped his head and died almost immediately, but not before he felt one last pang of regret for psychically brutalizing the one woman who had ever had feelings for him. Soon afterwards, Earth stopped its pointless
hostilities towards the peaceful farmers of Skylon 4. "Congress Passes Law Permanently Abolishing War and Space Travel," Laurie read in her newspaper one morning. The news simultaneously excited her and bored her. She stared out the window, dreaming of her youth, when the days had passed unhurriedly and carefree, with no newspaper to read, no television to distract her from her sense of innocent wonder at all the beautiful things around her. "Why must one lose one's innocence to become a woman?" she pondered wistfully.
(Bill)
Little did she know, but she had less than 10 seconds to live. Thousands of miles above the city, the Anu'udrian mothership launched the first of its lithium fusion missiles. The dimwitted wimpy peaceniks who pushed the
Unilateral Aerospace disarmament Treaty through the Congress had left Earth a defenseless target for the hostile alien empires who were determined to destroy the human race. Within two hours after the passage of the treaty the Anu'udrian ships were on course for Earth, carrying enough firepower to pulverize the entire planet. With no one to stop them, they swiftly initiated their diabolical plan. The lithium fusion missile entered the atmosphere unimpeded. The President, in his top-secret mobile submarine headquarters on the ocean floor off the coast of Guam, felt the inconceivably massive explosion, which vaporized even poor, stupid Laurie.
(Rebecca)
This is absurd. I refuse to continue this mockery of literature. My writing partner is a violent, chauvinistic semi-literate adolescent.
(Bill)
Yeah? Well, my writing partner is a self-centered tedious neurotic whose attempts at writing are the literary equivalent of Valium. " Oh, shall I have chamomile tea? Or shall I have some other sort of F--KING TEA??? Oh no, what am I to do? I'm such an air headed bimbo. I guess I've read too many Danielle Steele novels!"
(Rebecca)
A$$h@le.
(Bill)
B*tch!
(Rebecca)
F*** YOU - YOU NEANDERTHAL!!
(Bill)
In your dreams, Ho. Go drink some tea.
(TEACHER)
A+ - I really liked this one.
Sunday, September 19, 2010 | 9:28 pm
Phew, it's so tiring. Just yesterday I went out to stay overnight in Jz's house with Hen, Yw and Allan. Henry and Yw told me before in the msn convos that Yw has become smaller. And from what they kept saying, it's like describing the reverse process of growth-from a full bloomed rose to a shriveled up little bud. Describing him as a rose seems wrong, like I'm cursing the rose or something...ok anyways, when I finally saw him, it was like seeing a prawn turned into a shrimp. Finally went to the house, went to the gym and proceeded to wrestle in the swimming pool. Odd right, technically a swimming pool is used for like-swimming?? But because of the great water to prevent any injuries during any forms of falls we might suffered from our...exorbitant activities, we just couldn't help it. But would I call it wrestling?? It was more like Yw being driven to desperation after getting ditched by girls is now hungering for guys meat. He seems to enjoy humping or getting humped, there was one particular position where he seems like he was sucking Jz's unit, very funny and very gross.
After the extremely entertaining gay session which Yw seems to enjoy the most, we went back to what we do best, mapling and dotaing. That's right, stop rubbing your eyes and stop questioning my writing, read my words: M-A-P-L-I-N-G. We have decided to relieve our childhood days by playing the evergreen Maple, any of you still playing? Add me: Mercydrive if you're a pro with lots of money. If you are still a beginner or like have nothing whatsoever, fuck off. And of course we didn't just played with the lappy, we played with the PS3. Superb awesome graphics. And erm our dinner delivery from Macs had alot of problems, we were delayed for quite long. Then when we ordered breakfast from Macs, there was another small problem. Luckily that one was solved quickly.
Ok I dun want to talk anymore, I'm off to watch football where Liverpool is once again losing. Bye noobs.
Monday, August 23, 2010 | 9:49 pm
Helllllllllooooooo....it's been a very long time since I last wrote anything here including the tagboard...like 5 months? Forgive me father but I have definitely not sinned! Is it a sin to to bore everyone about how I've slack so far? Certainly not, being the gracious me, I have allowed other bloggers to fill this empty void and unleash their creativity which has been sadly, stifled by me. It's like the new Guess show, all you Harlems could never compare to Jacky so for this short while only, I shall write 2 paragraphs.
And now, I shall say my goodbyes. I'm going to play dota. Go to all your blog shops or whatever you people go to. However, seeing Maggie's and Hc's blog made me feel like an idiot, which I'm obviously not. They said something about a trip to USS and I thought they have gone to Russia for a holiday. End up Maggie so kindly clarified in her latest entry that USS is actually Universal Studios. God damn it.
Tuesday, February 16, 2010 | 4:00 pm
Ok, journey to hell is over. Dun need to go to the west until next year. Now it's just the main exam. Dun need to study so hard now, relax while the holidays are still here, tomorrow then start. Quickly play while I can hahahaha. Then after exams over, play even more before NS calls for you to die for your country hahahaha. My impression of NS in the past is that whatever the higher ups command, you just salute and jump straight to hell. Now, just roll around like Drogba and Ronaldo and moan in pain, first class medics come and treat you give you 5 months MC. Last time I dunno what movie was it, but it was a scene where 2 sides were marching to each other in an open field, horns blazing, trumpets announcing the arrival of the parties, the field was divided into 2 sides of red and blue. I think it was the British War. Dick would know about this, he is a walking encyclopedia of wars. Uncle told me that this was how old wars used to be like, no secrecy, no cheating, 2 sides will just stand at one side and openly play their instruments loud loud then once in awhile fire at the enemy and the enemy just stand there and sing their own song and die. Now we have the stealth squads where the emphasis is minimum loss, maximum gain where in the past, the motto was pride and honor. Of course I prefer the newer one, who the hell wants to stand there and sing like a moron and get blasted by a cannon ball? I rather take a table and chair and put it in the middle so both sides can sit down and enjoy a cup of coffee. That would be so much more productive.
I hate to stir up controversy but there is something weird going on. Usually I would go to my blog first before jumping to others. So recently I jumped to Allan's and I realise that he only added me, pok and hc in his links along with his other friends. Why the discrimation? (under s216...)
'You should be studying zzz'
Thursday, February 11, 2010 | 3:58 pm
Pok, dun worry, I'm going to update my blog haha. It's not everyday when people come to you and ask you to update something quickly.
Today there was an AP test, obviously nothing to do with me, sucks to be the AP students. Can literally see them with feverish faces trying to devour the notes, exception being Shiyu who was lala-ing all the way and I don't think she studied a lot. I was accompanying Vaness [cue t('.'t)], Pok and Ryan and they were studying so hard, at least for the last 20 mins before reading time. At first they were really studying then left me alone so bored. So being the diligent and versatile awesome guy that I am, I took Vaness' tutorial answers and study them myself. He was so excited to tell me that those were not his answers and were photocopied by someone. I didn't know who it was until Pok finally stopped studying and told me that I know the person also. I mentioned the person's name in my earlier post about Vaness' 3 girls (Pok can still remember something that is quite long ago, I'm touched). So with this obvious hint, I knew the obvious answer (Orange comes to mind). Vaness vehemently denied this and said that it was Ryan who obtained the answers from her in the first place. Then I cheekily suggested that it was Vaness who made use of Ryan to get her notes cause he shy, dun dare to approach her. Ah then came the various accusations to each other and poor Pok who is sitting in between cannot study. He seem very happy though, and kept hugging his notes. (He later told me that his notes are his wives). Then after more finger pointing and accusations, Ryan said a Chinese proverb which obviously I have no idea what it is except that it sounded like sacrificing something to accomplish another. Then me, being the wonderful person that I am, suggested that Vaness is probably sacrificing orange for someone else: half-time. Then comes more finger pointing and accusations and Pok and me happily just sat there and enjoyed the carnage that I've indirectly wrecked. I only wanted to create a stress-free environment so that all 3 can study properly, how to study when you can only think of 'shit shit, we're going to fail'. Guess it backfired.
Ok I have nothing else to report. I only wrote the above because I want to share the joy with everyone else, not just between the 3 of us. It's so unfair. I'm not being prejudiced against Vaness, heck, I even praised him for looking like Vaness. So Allan, please do not use s.216 CA and charge me for unfair oppression and wind me up in a just and equitable means. Wow, now I'm helping all of you in your Law. The kindness that I possess...it's just incredible. Yw was right after all, he said that the world is unfair. It's true, the world is unfair; why is Yw born with so much flaws while I am like the paragon of virtue, the savior that leads you all to the promised land, blessed with gifts that every man could only dream of. So unfair.
'3 others of your friends have become a fan of
If Pokemon exist, I would be a Pokemon Trainer.' - How true, we won't need to work if Pokemon exist, we could simply capture a Meowth and use Pay Day everyday.